Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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