the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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