i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
