maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
