what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
