i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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