If that was your dad, he is hot
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize