Who wears a wallet chain?!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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