Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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