It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
