im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
