bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
