Im at strip club and am horny
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize