He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
