Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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