I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am naked and annoyed.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize