i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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