since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
