Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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