I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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