Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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