Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He felt like a one man threesome
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
