Only a mothe r could love this liver
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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