How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
