The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
