Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
