We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
