I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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