Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
