I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
