While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
