My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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