Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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