No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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