i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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