So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
