Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
