Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i believe in u and ur pee
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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