oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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