therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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