when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
