Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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