How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
