i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
