I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
