Just cropdusted the office
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
