whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
