My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
