there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize