I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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