Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
