If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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