Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
