you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
