Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
