i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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