Dude my mom stole all your condoms
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
