I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
