Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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