is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
