If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
