she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
