captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
