no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
